Right or Wrong?

There is no perfect answer to this question. There are many times in my life that I have found myself at crossroads. I have faced the difficult question of making a hard choice. A hard choice is a scenario where none of the roads available are ‘better’ than the other. They both have their pros and cons. Basically “You don’t know” or “you are not sure”. None of the cons are the deal breakers. You can imagine your life reaching its destiny by either of the roads. This is when you need to realise that we all have priorities in life. To illustrate, ‘I would rather be at peace than have an expensive ride’. These are the priorities which define “my happiness”. While standing at crossroads, you need to take note as to what is your soul’s calling.

Most of the time, we are not aware of our own priorities. Like we have grown up to believe that money is extremely important when deciding on your job, so when the time comes we invariably give importance to money while making decisions about the job. Even though your happiness lies in working with the right set of people who share your value system, you end up making a comparatively more difficult choice to live with.

However, there are no rights or wrongs in life. Even by selecting a difficult choice, you might gain insight on your self  or your perspective. “Right decisions” are highly overrated. Its never a lost case! That is the beauty of life. There is never a ‘last chance’. There is always a ‘second last chance’.

But to avoid the detour, know yourself. Put yourself in the future to know which choice makes your soul twist. Spoiler Alert: Do not misunderstand your fear or anxiety to be a soul’s way of warning you about the choice. When it is just your fear, you feel your stomach churn at the thought of your future. While when a soul’s intuition throws an alert, it is more of a knowing feeling sans the panic.

Being aware of what you want shall go a longway in guiding you in making correct decisions. Trust yourself. Let your soul talk to you.

"You may not be where you intend to be

but you will always be where you need to be"

A leap of faith

"You dont always need a plan,

 sometimes you just need to breathe,

 trust, let go and see what happens

 ..it might just be worth it in the end"

I still remember the time when I used to go to school. My life revolved around friends, parents, sister, teachers and occasional visits to the doctor. Each one of us wanted to either become a doctor or a teacher. It would be difficult to find a kid from my generation who have not role played a teacher or a doctor with absolute enthusiasm ;)

The internet was not so big back then. There was lack of information. Call it a good timing or bad but that is one of the very reasons none of my same age peers had any realistic role models to look upto as kids. I am saying realist because we were surrounded by idealist people. Or rather to put it simply real people who wanted us to believe in fairy tales.

Our life was supposed to be in black and white. You are either bad or good. You either win or lose. There was no space for the greys in life. Surprisingly later on we spend most of our grey matter over sorting out the grey areas!

But life made it a point to showcase its beauty. It caused pain and agony. But it’s all worth it in the end.

We all have our circle of comfort. So did I. Nobody had taught us acceptance.

I had very specific notions about how people should be and how they should behave. I used to judge people in black and white. I could never empathise with the greys. Even though I was living in the crowd, I was not accepting towards them. My rigid thoughts stuck to their train. But no matter how thick the walls were, people kept on pushing at my walls. It felt like protecting a fragile bubble. It used to take a lot of my energies to stand tall and strong. I can’t really remember at what point of time I gave up. All I remember that it was liberating. 

It no more mattered to me how right the person standing in front of me was. I did'nt care whether he was wrong. All I could see was the soul. As long as people did what they wanted to do, I was happy. I stopped binding people with my definitions of Integrity, ethics and values. 

I realised that human interaction was the key. Relationships are a shortcut cut to spiritual growth. Knowing people and their life is what adds to the value of your life.

But human interaction is what causes most friction. We all have an inbuilt measurement scale. We judge everyone who passes by with the same scale. It’s like measuring water and cotton both in litres! It’s unfair and it’s not correct. You cannot judge somebody else’s actions with your parameters. They have their own set for that matter! If you find yourself not too comfortable with the going ons all you can possibly do is offer your perspective. But then that’s about it. After all perception sometimes have nothing to do with the reality. It would be insane to decide based on a perception which can do irreversible damage to your reality!

When you start accepting contrasting ideologies and thoughts, you are learning one of the most important lessons of life- a leap of faith. There can be many roads to the same destination. Your soul shall choose which road to take. Every road is going to unravel a new facet of life.

There have been times when I have been stuck at crossroads. I went to my closest people to know what I should do. They all had a theory. And they all gave their opinion based on their priorities in life. Being stuck with such contradicting opinions, I decided to take one random road. While I was getting ready for the expedition I realised I was not happy. That decision was made keeping in view a priority to which I don’t attach more importance to. My priorities were different. I felt torn between the ideals and my soul. I knew that I ideally should have taken the road. But it did not feel right. With great difficulty I accepted that I had priorities different from others even though not conventional.  

It does not make sense every time. Or rather it is not supposed to. But rest assured it’s all going to make sense in the end. It would be almost difficult to point out one decision in my life which I would rather have not taken. Because no matter how wrong was the decision I love where I am in life. And I owe it to my highs and lows of life that made me who I am today. I would never trade my lows for anything else.

Take a Leap. Accept others. Accept Yourself. Take a Leap to a happy life :)

Whats the point

Who am I? What is the purpose of my life? What the hell is the point? And who the hell is wanting to make this mute point?

I begin my day with new vigour everyday. So does everybody else. Technically I am moving ahead to a better stage of my life than I am at today. Nobody wishes to be left behind. How beautifully have we trained our minds to adapt to this ugly lie.

We live each day for a lie. On one hand we know that we all are headed for the same destination..death. but still everybody tries so hard to make a mark.

Most of my  Life have passed by. But all this while, the question remained. I wonder If I can ever find an answer to this question. If you change the perspective may be we were never meant to decode the answers. May be life happens when you are on a lookout for these answers. If I try to look back and trace as to when exactly did I start introspecting life..I cant remember. It does seem like forever. I don’t know when my perspective towards life changed.. From self to life. What the hell! While being alive though I am not going to ignore my lust to answer this riddle.

God! There better be a point after all. May be like in movies it just adds twist to the otherwise dry and boring tale. The steep and deadly valleys add to the beauty of a peak. The more deadly it is, the more happy you will be when you reach the peak. Without the valleys, the otherwise magnificent view would seem dry. The mystery of the reason of this life is what makes it what it is.

Lets Hope. Hope that going by what goes around us, there is a point after all. The everyday struggle of being in relationships, living in the society, working towards your life goals..It is all going to make sense some day. One day…

Little steps to reality

I woke up to a hazy sunlight,
the sun seemed to be shining bright,
Yet the warmth could not reach me,

I could only imagine
the wonderful warmth on my skin

But that was all..

I looked around,
I was inside a huge bubble,
I could see the world outside,
But I could not feel it on the inside..

It felt so close but so far away,

The air inside was full of my thoughts of tomorrow,
I could no more breathe,
The bubble was just too full of it!

I wanted freedom,
Freedom from my own dreams,
My own thoughts,
I wanted to live and see the world as is...I wanted to be naive again.

What started as a new life was now seeming to be too much...too big,

I wanted to start small again,
Not with the questions of tomorrow,

But with the hope for today,

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes,
I took a step ahead,
Hoping my feet shall find the ground I have been waiting for..

As my feet felt the mushy earth below,
I could hear my heart skip a beat,
My soul could finally breathe...

.I could finally live in my today...

Waiting for the dawn

I open my eyes in the morning to this beautifully world,
To find it to be more serene than ever before,
I blink at the peace around me,      

My soul tries to breathe in the life,
to post it to my memory forever, 
these moments of life. 

As the day passes, 
the beauty starts to fade,        
As the sun grows,
So do my doubts,
the white peace now dotted with dark clouds. 

As the day ends I am left with just me ugly as ever,
the peace has disappeared,
my heart is heavy and my breathing shallow,

I dread the morning after.

With the hope in my eyes,
My eyes lay to rest, 

Into the dream world I go,
Leaving the ugly world behind.

I open my eyes again to a new dawn,

To see myself through the pain again,
With the peace around and chaos within.

Glass Door..

I am standing on the floor. The coldness of the surface is making me want to keep moving my feet to the tune to which my mind is moving....

The mind is working two ways...There is something else calling for my attention. I am facing a beautiful view. Right in front of me is standing the angel. Pretty as a star. Jumping and dancing around. Carefree and innocent. It seems as if it is calling out to me. 

Waiting for me to absorb the goodness that it exudes. My instant reaction is wanting to go out there and bask in its light. It feels as if this is the light I was waiting for. With this enlightened though, I move a little more closer to who I am. I lifted my feet to walk towards my soul. The very next instant the thoughts came chasing my feet. 

I looked towards the angel. Am I staring the truth or is it that my fears have blurred my vision. How can i know what it is going to bring in my life. Was it just a facade created by my mind or am I just clouding my instincts with my fear. 

There was a sudden disconnect as if there was a glass door in between stopping me from walking ahead. There was a fear of getting less that what I wanted, a fear of not being cheated but of cheating myself. A fear of hurting self. My projection of joy was tainted with clouds of my fear. Or was it my inner self talking to me... 

My fear as well as my expectation were both my mind child. It was a fight within my mind. How do you fight your own self. Was it worth fighting for was the question. I was not ready to decide. Who shall decide? I was not ready to bow down and go away. I dont wish to just walk away with this mystery unraveled.

If I decide to walk ahead, will I be able to be ready to bear the weight of this decision. If the angel turns out to be the light I thought it would be..it shall become the most liberating stage of my life. I would be living my purpose. I can finally fly with my wings stretched so wide. I can almost feel the cold wind in my face. The air of liberation.

But the air is blocked with my fears.

The fight continues. With great reluctance I started to walk but the thought that the glass door might still be standing makes me anxious. How do you become your own guide. How do you try not to weave a trap of your own fears..