The final steps

As I am nearing the finish line, the by lanes I left behind are seeming more inviting. I am afraid to step into the unknown. The journey hereon may be the shortest but the most hardest.  

I started this journey picturing the finish line as my goal. As the goal has come closer I am starting to question my destination. I see the line ahead and I see the flag hoisted between the stones indicating the end of the journey. I look upwards to the fluttering flag in the background of blue skies. I wonder if it signifies my destination..

Will we survive this?

It may seem small...and it may seem irrelevant. But it is the most important question daunting us- Will we survive this?

I started onto this journey with absolutely no clue as to where my destination lies. I never questioned the destination nor the journey. Now that I contemplate the past, I wonder why…

Not being the kind of person who would allow just about any irrelevant question to occupy my time, this does seem like an exception to the rule book. However without this exception, I do not think I would have even dared to venture on this path in my senses!

I did not quite know what I had signed up for. Now though I feel my timely ignorance was a blessing in disguise. Had I started to question and understand the question itself, I would never have been able to start my journey to explore the answer.

I was surprised to find that a simple question could put me in such a juxtaposition. Not because I did not know the answer but because I thought I knew the Answer.. rather I knew what is not the answer...

Then came the other and the only option left. Acceptance of the option left was a far more important question. 

The denial was feeding on my fears, my anxieties and my insecurities. I knew the answers. But the thought lingered-  how could I know when the world claims that no one knows, How could I know any better than the rest of the world. This kept me on my feet. The logics defied my answers. I wanted to be sure but there was practically no way out. Without any backing, the answer seemed to be not correct. Not as yet... 

Even though I wanted to, I could not stick to what I knew to be true. There was chaos. I felt cornered. I felt torned in two halves...both of which belonged to me. It caused pain and mistrust.

I chose to lie low. I decided to take a road which might shed some light on the answers I seek. As time plays its role, I am hoping that this other path too shall bring me to the answers I seek but with a stronger sense of faith and certainty. I hope to arrive where I started. My starting point has become my destination. The crux of the matter was not about reaching a decision...the journey was about justifying the decision.

Now that I know where my finishing line lies, I wonder whether we will survive this...

"Forever" is an illusion!

“Life” I wonder if we have really understood Life. May be we will never be able to figure it out.

Impermanence.. Life passes away while we try to run away from this word. We choose to live life on our own assumptions. Then somewhere down the line we start acknowledging the fact that probably there some things in life which are not permanent. A part of our life is spent dwelling over this thought... And then sometimes we sulk over it. But the early assumption of permanency is so deeply imbibed in our thoughts, that we cannot comprehend the truth. Then someday life gives an unexpected blow and we are face to face with this ugly truth. While we are enjoying gazing at the beauty of the flower, there comes a time for it to wither away. Both the flower and the tree need to accept this law of nature. Any friction in accepting the truth leads to heartbreak and disappointment.

All our life we are running after just one thing and that is permanence. We want a steady life. We crave for a routine. No matter how adventurous you think you are, you want a permanent residence to go back to every night. Nobody wants to live in a car. Nobody wants a life where you do not know where you are going to spend your nights every day. You want to figure out a permanent work profile for yourself. You want a steady income. Nobody wants a job where they do not know how much they will earn at the end of the month. You are always looking for a soulmate whom you expect to be your partner forever. You expect your marriage to last forever. You expect your knowledge to stay forever. You have organised things around you in such a way that things have found a permanent order in your life. From your morning toothbrush to your night creams, everything has a permanent place in your house and in your life. Any change in their order gives rise to irritation, disappointment, frustration and anger. Most of the anguish, sorrow, despair, disappointment, problems, disputes and quarrels arise when your expectations for things to last forever face the realities of life.  

Permanence is what you may crave but impermanence is what makes your life beautiful. It adds a shade of depth to a rather pale life. It is when you have sorrow that you appreciate happiness. It is when you experience heart breaks that you value relationships. It is when you are faced with failure that you realise the worth of success. It is when you have not so permanent life that you appreciate the existence of your life.

Nothing in life is permanent. Acceptance of this truth is the purpose of our lives..